A Bunch Of Little Stories
by Cadao
Summary: All my stories that don't fit anywhere...humorus, most of them...


Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who or anything in his universe. I didn't make any of it, and I'm not making money. 

Rose poked around in the Doctor's writing desk, aware he wouldn't like it but she didn't care, really. She spied a book, opening it and stiffling a giggle.

"What are you doin'?" the Doctor inquired.

Rose turned to him, grinning. He spied the book.

"YOU DON'T BLOODY WELL SEE THAT!" he bellowed, snatching it away.

The book? 'Medicine for Dummies: What to do when you want to practice medicine but don't have a brain...'

XXXXXXXX

"Why Earth?"

Over and over he had heard that question. He's only response had been 'I like Earth.' or 'Why not?'

But when Rose had asked, he had said the truth; "I will protect Earth as long as I am able because I helped create her."

She had stared at him for a moment, then had laughed. "Riiight." She smiled up at him. "What's the real reason?"

Stupid, lovable, moronic apes. His past selves were right; telling your children would just get a laugh chucked in your face.

XXXXXXX

"Die evil bug!" Rose snapped, trying to squash a mosquito. The Doctor and Rose where having a picnic in the English countryside. Rose had locked the Doctor out of the Tardis, then refused to let him in unless he and she did something 'normal'.

The mosquito buzzed angerly and the Doctor burst into laughter. The mosquito flew off.

"Whats so funny?" Rose inquired. The Doctor asked,

"Remember when I told you how many languages I speak?"

"Yeah."

The Doctor told her solemnly: "I can speak mosquito, and she said 'I just wanted a decent meal and you try to kill me. How would you like to go into McDonalds and get squashed by a hamburger!' "

XXXXXX

"I sat on my brain!" Rose giggled. The Doctor peeked into the game room to see this monstrosity. Jack and Rose sat around the TV, x-box on, and no squashed brain matter.

"Uh...Rose?" the Doctor asked hesitantly.

"She sat on her controller," Jack responded.

"Oh-kay." The Doctor decided to leave well alone.

XXXXXX

Rose let out a frustrated snarl. She threw her pen down in a fit.

"Your forgot the 'b'," the Doctor said helpfully from over her shoulder, taking in the many spellings of one particular word. Rose snapped,

"Whoever put the 'b' at the end of 'dumb' was dumb!"

XXXXX

"But I want it!" Rose whined, talking about a shirt.

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?" the Doctor replied. He regretted his words when Rose grinned, saying,

"I can put it in the Tardis . . . "

XXXXX

Rose eyed the package and opened it where it said to. The Doctor glanced at it then wondered, "What would you do if it said 'open somewhere else?"

XXXXXX

The Doctor was doing his usual fixings of the Tardis, humming slightly, and thinking he was the only one up. Imagine his serprize when someone grabbed hold of his foot, yanking him out of his position. Rose forced a bewildered Doctor into standing.

Rose took the Doctor's hand, sniffing it. He raised an eyebrow. She sniffed up his arm, then circled him, all the while smelling. When she dived into his jacket and shirt he jerked slightly, but let the strange little ape go on her buisness. Perhaps the grooming gene wasn't totally dormant after all . . .

Brown eyes looked up inoccently into his, and then she got all nasty, stamping her foot angerly.

"It is you!" she shouted. "I thought I was going mad!" She froze. Her lower lip stuck out and she whined, "Now I'm hungry!"

He watched her grumpily go to the kitchen, and then it hit him : he smelled like honey.

34857430570329

Rose was the first to hit the Tardis - she fell onto the floor laughing harder then she had thought was humanly possible. The Doctor was next; he was not amused like Rose. Anger radiated off him. Last was Jack, who was laughing as hard as the only female on bourd.

The Tardis doors shut and locked, safely barring the alien army from entry.

"Oddest yet that I've had to run!" Rose snorted.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh!" the Doctor growled. "You wheren't the one that had been-"

"It was funny!" Jack interupted. "I mean . . . c'mon! The king of two solar systems wanted to marry you!"

"And you look good in pink." Rose nodded before giggling.

"I do NOT look like a woman!" The Doctor's voice was acid but his eyes were beginning to twinkle.

Jack snickered, "Ain't our fault on that planet women have big ears and men don't."

XXXXXX

The Doctor was swinging Rose's and his hands back and forth. The suns shone down on them, clouds drifted above, and the sounds of the annual planetary picnic of the Susosasesi system all around them. Jack was somewhere behind, flirting with a group of women.

"Doctor-" Rose was cut off.

"THERE YOU ARE!"a voice boomed. The Doctor spun around, face to face with a king - a king that wanted to marry him becuase he though the Doctor was female.

"Oh - uh - BYE!" The Doctor yanked rose along with him, shouting, "Jack! TARDIS NOW!"

Jack stopped his flirting and ran, panicked.

When the lot of them where safe, abreathing hard Jack questioned, "What was wrong?"

"King Small Ears," Rose answered.

"Wait. You, no." Jack glared. "We panicked for that!"

"No domestic . . . " The Doctor whined. "Can't do it..."

"I think you need help, Doc."

"I'm not a woman! You know, he could get me pregnant! That civilization has that technoligy! He won't care if I'm male! I AM NOT GOING THROUGH PREGNANCY AGAIN!"

Silence.

"Again?" both companions questioned.

XXXXX

Note: Has nothing to do with previous two stories. End Note.

The Doctor: I'm not a man.

Rose: You're female? (pokes his chest) No breasts. Not hidden or anything. You got a penis?

The Doctor: Last time I urinated I did.

Rose: But you're not a man?

The Doctor: No.

Rose: But you've got a penis.

The Doctor: Yes, Rose.

Rose: Well, other then your hearts and regeneration, whats different, then?

The Doctor: Nothing much.

Rose: But you're not a man?

The Doctor: Rose.

Rose: Well, come on! You're humanoid. Can you get me pregnant?

The Doctor: Is that a trick question?

Rose: Doc-tor.

The Doctor: Yes, Rose, if I wanted to - if we wanted to - yes.

Rose: So, you can get me, a woman, pregnant. You have a penis, no breasts, you're humanoid, but you're not a man? You have a vagina?

The Doctor: No. You're right, I sound like an idiot.

Rose: So you're a man?

The Doctor: I guess so...

&&

On Regeneration:

Rose was crying. Her beloved Doctor was dying anyway, even after all she had done. He was glowing and then -

"D-doctor?" Rose stammered. This was not what she was expecting. He had said he'd be different...but...this?

"Rose." He blinked up at her. "Right, Rose?" He seemed a little confused. "Yeah." He grinned up at her. "I remember now! Oi, none of that!" he demanded as Rose started to shake.

"Y-you-." She went still.

"What, bloody hell, stop looking at me like that. I know I'm different-"

Rose let out a squeal. She swooped the Doctor up in her hands and cuddled him close to her cheak. "You're so cute!" she cried. "A cute little furry frog!"

"What!"

XXX

The Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS, closing the doors and locking them. He turned around and screamed like a little girl, backing up and hitting the doors. His eyes were large as he took in Rose.

She was huge! Crouching down infront of the TARDIS, Rose was a giant and her back was facing the Doctor. She was singing softly, at least to her perspective. Her voice carried over the meadow, bending dandylions from the force.

"Please don't blow, Rose," the Doctor wimpered. "Please don't-"

FART-ING.

"Ugggg." The Doctor melted to the ground, coughing and popping back to normal. At least it wasn't a wet one.

Rose spun around. "Little Doctor!" she squealed, scooping him up and squeasing him so hard he regenerated. A dazed, confused Time Lord looked up at the Giantess.

"Doctor?" Rose dropped him, causing him to regenerate again. "Ohhhhh." She squished him with her thumb. "Hehe." He regenerated for the last time.

Rose clapped, making the now frightened and totally lost Time Lord clamp his hands over his ears. In a bid for freedom, he tried to get into the TARDIS.

"Doctor!" Rose whined, snatching him up with her hand. She crushed him. "Doctor?" She wondered, looking at him. He didn't move, and Rose threw a temper tantrum, throwing him to the ground. "Fine! Who needs you anyway!"

She pouted, then poked him.

All well.

XXX

He was regenerating. It was in a canyon, Rose was wearing a blue outfit, and Jack was in his usual tight clothes.

"How bad is it?" The Doctor asked, sqeezing his eyes shut.

"Well...your furry." Rose replied.

"And small." Jack put in.

The Doctor opened his eyes. He looked down.

"I'm small. I'm round. I'm fluffy. I'm an umeltable snowman."

"Oooo!" Rose scooped him up, hugging him like a kid with her toy. The Doctor growled,

"You're squishing the carrot."

AND NOW, RANDOM STUFF

A Dalek came to a stop infront of Rose. "Exterminate!"

"Oh! Your sound so cute! Your not cute, but you sound cute!" she squealed.

"No Rose!" the Doctor shouted. "Don't hug it!"

Rose didn't listen. "CUTE, cute, I TELL YOU!"

The Dalek paused. Then decided it didn't like to be called cute, killed off Rose, then looked at the Doctor.

"Exterminate!"

"Noooooo! Rose!" the Doctor wailed.

"What?" Her voice.

He stared at the Dalek and fainted.

XXXXXXXXX

Rose : I wish I had something to do!

Doctor: You could make me a cup of tea.

Rose: No thanks, mister. I make it exactly the way you say and then I end up sleeping outside the Tardis.

Doctor: I would never!

Rose: But then-

Jack: Oops.

Rose: DIE!

Doctor: No blood on the carpet please.

Jack: We have no carpet!

Doctor: All right, then, Rose make sure he doesn't scream!

Jack: HEY!

Rose: BWAHAHAHA

XXXXXXXX

For reasons unknown, Rose and the 6th Doctor:

Rose: I know why I trust you! Doctor Who!

Doctor: What?

Rose: No...the TV show!

Doctor: Show?

Rose: Come on, you ninny.

Doctor: Wow!

Rose: Here, listen to this song!

Doctor: WOW! I've got a song! And a TV show!...am I really that fat?

Rose: The camera adds ten pounds.

Doctor: Ah.

()&$#

Rose frowned. Usually the Tardis translated the books so she could read it, but this book stayed in its native language. After asking the Tardis to please change it and not getting any results, she stomped off to the Doctor.

She shoved it in his face as he was about to drink a bit of tea, causing the liquid to splash everywhere.

"Rose!" he shouted. She just gave him puppy eyes, and with a sigh he asked, "What?"

"Book! It won't translate! Why won't it translate?"

"You're asking me?"

"You know everything!"

"Oh..well..." He smiled that smile and corrected, "I simply know more then you, Rose. I do not know everything. Like why you love to shop."

Her eyes narrowed. "Could you please read it?"

With a sigh, the Doctor snatched the book. "Tra sjiotu disfajoosdiu-"

"Doctor!"

"I'm reading it! See, it's the way it's written!"

She smacked him.

XXXXX

"I need two brains!" Rose whined.

"Excuse me?" The Doctor wondered form his usual spot under the Tardis console.

"I need two brains!" Rose insisted, peering into the little hole. "So one can tell the other to work!"

"What brought that on?" He looked at her with confusion.

"I kissed Jack!" she moaned. The Doctor jerked, hitting his head.

XXXXX

"I hate the word tongue," Rose said out of the blue.

"Why?" The Doctor glanced cuiriously at her.

"Becuase the way its spelt it should be pronouced ton-goo."

"Lovely. Tongues made of goo. Actually, they do have tongues made of goo on the planet..."

XXXXX

"Why are heaven's gates always refered to as pearly but if drawn or shown in a movie they are gold?" Rose's question serprised the Doctor. His reply:

"The Gates are rusting and God has a sense of humor."

"How does that anwser my question?"

"Uh...one does not question their Doctor!"

"You don't know, do you?"

"I know everything."

"Uh huh..."

They fought for the next few hours before Rose finally just ignored him.

XXXXX

"I can answer any question," Rose comented one day.

"Really?" the Doctor raised an eyebrow.

"It won't nessasarily be right, but-"

"What's 856734753 X 56546 + 535345 - 454 X 435445455445." Jack seemed pleased with himself. Both males waited pationtly for Rose's reply.

"Jack, thats easy." Rose grinned. Both her friends laughed in her face. "Well it is. What you just asked me was 'what is it?' The answer is simple: Its a mathematical equation."

"Smart ass," Jack replied as the Doctor beamed.

"I taught 'er well." The Doctor smirked.

XXXXX

10th Doc and Rose:

"I hate this body," the Doctor sighed.

"Why?" Rose wondered. After she had gotten over the shock, she had accepted this new Doctor. He really didn't have that bad of a body, and his personality was different but it was still HIM underneath.

"I look like a weasel," he replied gloomily. Rose stiffled a giggle.

"Well, you're my weasel."

He brightened up, then frowned. "Yeah, but a weasel?"

She suddenly remembered a quote she had read somewhere. "Hawks may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet-engines."

He laughed so hard he never felt bad about it again.

Note: that's my favourite quote (from a show called Simons and Simons, I believe) . . . you know, I don't think he looks like a weasel...


End file.
